What's Next?

           WHAT’S NEXT?

       It seems like whenever you legalize one immoral activity

         It’s only a matter of time

         Before a plethora of other perverse proclivities

         Soon demands to be accepted into society. 

         Take for instance this whole legalizing gay

         marriage situation,

         it might not seem like such a big deal at first,

         but it's only going to get worse,

         and here's how:

        

         Well, it starts with legalizing gay marriage

         But the next thing you know is

         A man is seen proposing

         To his son’s pet ferret

         Who was recently in an affair with

         A Lobster with a fetish

         For licking sour cream off of Newt Gingrich

         Who lately could have been seen in

         The city of Malibu with a pastrami sandwich

         He just got married to

         by a priest who likes to taste his own poo-poo 

         right after taking part in a polygamous tryst with Two Verizon Salesmen, a    

         hamster,

         and a fish 

         And that’s only the beginning, my friends

         When gay marriage is no longer viewed

         as a threat to traditional American values    

         Cause pretty soon anywhere you look you will find 

         That every happily married man

         Has a Senegal Parrot on the side

         N’ if you think women have trouble being discreet

         About who they’re having an affair with

         No one’s more vocal or outspoken than Parrots

         And now that all the Parrots the men are having an affair with

         Won’t shut up

         All the traditional marriages start breaking up

         But that’s fine cause at least all the marriages between a

         Man and a duckbilled platypus

         Are on the rise

         And just when you think you finally saw

         The end of the troubles that come with gay marriage

         Being seen as legal in the eyes of the Law

         The next day you read in the paper that Rush Limbaugh

         Was just in a Ménage A Trios

         With the Ayatollah and the son

         of the former Shah

         And when the Arab world finally gets word of

         This breach of moral law 

         It makes the Sunnis so gloomy and the

         Shiites so glum

         They end up issuing a Fatwa on everyone!

         And just when you think nothing worse

         Can start happening

         The next day you find yourself attending

         The wedding of your best friend

         To a Vending Machine

         Who he struck up a conversation with

         In a bar in Amherst Michigan

         After running from the Law

         For an assault charge he got

         For fondling a Mayonnaise Jar

         in Central Park in the back of a horse carriage 

         As it was getting dark 

         And all because we decided to legalize gay marriage!

         And don’t even get me started on Universal Healthcare

         Oh, it might seem innocent first

         Medical bills that no longer empty out your purse

         But the next you thing you know

         your Grandma stubs her toe

         And government officials

         Immediately break in

         and bash her brains in with a fire hose 

         and cut off her head and pluck off her nose

         and rip out her spine and slice off her toes

         and wrap her intestines around the portico 

         And once they’re fairly confident they've killed her

         They tear open her stomach and

         take out her brain, her kidneys, and her liver

         But only to give them to some poor black kid in Harlem

         Who probably only needs them because of all the crack cocaine

         He smokes every evening

         But now that we all have the same benefits

         He gets to be treated just like the rest of us

         And if you think that’s not bad enough

         The next day as your walking

         to your Granny’s funeral

         You get a call from your aunt

         who says your brother just died while getting 

         a kidney transplant 

         Because the doctor was so incompetent

         As a result of how poorly paid they are nowadays

         Instead of taking your brother’s kidney out

         He took out his brain  

         And replaced it with the liver of one of the nurses

         And then donated his eye balls to a squirrel in China

         And gave his buttocks to a baboon in Botswana

         And his rectum to a raccoon in Rwanda

         And his stomach to a swordfish in Sierra Nevada   

         And then said, “Hey, the hospital might not be run

         As efficiently as before,

         But at least the medical bills are a lot more reasonable!”

         And when you finally get to the hospital to make a complaint

         About all the debauchery and absurdity you realize

         It’s too late

         Because the whole country now looks exactly like

         Nazi Germany

         And everyone’s doing the goose step and the

         Joseph Goebbels Double Shuffle

         and the Hermann Hesse Five Step Waltz Fandango

         and the Joseph Mengele Tango

         and killing their grandma whenever they sneeze

         and shooting their grandpa whenever they complain

         about a pain in their knees

         and all because that 
         Muslim Communist Arab Spy Nazi Half-Robot Zombie Barack Obama

         Thought Universal Healthcare would take care of us.

         
    
         But you know I’ll tell you quite clearly         

         When it comes to the big problems

         In this country we face yearly

         Gay Marriage and Universal Health Care

         Don’t even compare with 

         the threat of Immigration

         that threatens this Sovereign Nation

         Of Legal Tax-Paying Non-Hispanic Americans  

         Oh it might not seem like too big of a deal at first

         Letting a few barefoot Mexicans

         In 

         But the next thing you know your daughter brings home a Latino

         Who immediately rapes your wife on the patio

         After convincing your 4-year-old son to invest in 

         40 tons of Methamphetamines 

         And then forcing you to eat some weird spicy Mexican thing

         That’s filled to the brim with weird meat and Jalapenos

         Which gives you a slight case

         Of Malaria and Typhoid Fever

         And as your running through the halls looking for

         A bathroom to puke in

         You don’t think you’re going to manage

         Cause now all the signs on the doors are in Spanish 

         And so as you just start puking in any old room

         Your wife says she’s pregnant with a Mexican baby

         And she can already feel him stealing things in her womb

         But you can’t hear her words too clear because that Latino just brought

         Over forty of his friends who immediately go into the backyard and have a              

         barbecue for the next four years

         And as your running to the police station

         To get them to start an investigation

         Into some of the negative results you have experienced 

         Lately From our lax Immigration Legislation

         You run into a Chicano gang on the street who

         Gives you their typical friendly greeting     

         which involves being stabbed repeatedly in the chest

         after a severe 5 hour beating

         and when you finally make it to the station

         breathing and puffing and bleeding and exacerbated

         you find the Police Chief and you tell him

         what’s happened

         how your wife has been raped and

         as far as you can tell

         your 4-year-old son’s now pretty high up in the ranks

         of the Juarez Drug Cartel

         and how you’ve been stabbed and beaten

         and kicked and abused and whipped and bruised 

         and worst of all

         forced to eat strange Mexican food 

         and that your tongue still burns whenever you chew 

         and your tooshi still hurts whenever you poo

         and after your finally done recounting all this horror

         you just found yourself in 

         The Police Chief looks up 

         and says with a big grin

         “No Hablo Ingles muy bien!”

         and all because we let a few barefoot Mexicans in.