Tuesday, November 1, 2011


         Once upon a midnight dreary, while I jerked off weak and weary  
         Over many a quaint and curious volume of Hard core Asian Porn 
         While my monkey I was slapping, suddenly there came a tapping
         As if someone loudly rapping, rapping at my bedroom door. 
         ‘Tis my mother,’ I muttered, wanting me to do some stupid chore
         ‘Tis that dumb bitch, and nothing more.  

         Ah distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December
         And each separate yank off session wrought its semen on the floor. 
         Eagerly I wished to yank it, quickly I sought my blanket  
         And began to spank it to my vast collection of Asian porn 
         For jerking off quite consumed me in those horny days of yore    
         Those horny days nevermore.  

         And the slipping and the sliding of each three-inch Asian cock inside her 
         Thrilled me- filled me with orgasmic splendors never felt before
         So when I heard that rapping, that annoyingly familiar tapping
         I was inclined to thinking it was my Mother at the door
         And so kindly I did say, “Go away you stupid whore!”
         And return nevermore. 

         Presently my prick grew softer, masturbating then no longer,
         Sir, said I, or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore
         But my dolphin I was waxing, when you came a-loudly rapping
         and so annoying was that rapping, that rapping at my bedroom door
         I thought for sure it was my Mother, but here I have opened the door
         And there is darkness only, and nothing more.

         Into the darkness I was blinking, as my erection started shrinking
         Quicker than if I was peeking into the shower at Michael Moore
         But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
         And the only word there spoken was the whispered word:
         Merely the wind, I said, but then again the words returned: 
         Merely this, and nothing more!
         Back I returned to stroking, my dick thru my boxers once more poking,
         When again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before
         “Surely,” said I, there is something out there though not my mother
         Let me see then, what the bother, and this mystery explore
         Let me cease to jerk off a moment and this mystery explore-
         And then go back to jerking off once more.

         Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter
         In there stepped a stately gerbil of the saintly days of yore,
         No greeting words he lent to me, as if he rented the room right next to me
         But his eyes looked right through me, piercing me to the core
         Making it too weird to jerk off…anymore.     

         Then this furry rodent beguiling my sad fancy into smiling
         By the grave and stern decorum that this gerbil was presently wearing  
         Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou, I said, art sure no craven,
         Ghastly grim and ancient gerbil wandering from the nightly shore-
         Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian Shore?
         Quoth the gerbil, “Melvin P. Finkelstein.”

         Like a wind blowing though me I was startled to hear a name so Jewy
         But I was quick in discerning that like the comic Whoopie Goldberg
         This gerbil who spoke to me so boldly must be Jewish in name only
         But the thought that still detained me was what this ominous gerbil
         Meant in croaking, “Quit Jerking Off and Find Some Girls!

         This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
         To the gerbil whose gaunt eyes now burned into my man bosom’s core
         This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining,
         On the giz stained Spiderman lining of my defiled Comforter
         The giz stained Spiderman lining that reflected all my pining
         And years jerking off to Asian porn. 

         Wretch, said I, thing of evil- prophet still, gerbil or devil  
         Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
         Whether from Heaven’s sphere or from out of the bum of Richard Gere
         You have crawled to haunt me here- tell me truly, I implore
         Why interrupt me as I am watching this Japanese woman on all fours
         Quote the gerbil, “QUIT JERKING OFF AND FIND SOME GIRLS!”

         These cryptic words and nothing more were all he spoke to me
         Get thee back into the tempest and Hell’s fiery shore-
         Leave no poop droppings as a lasting token of what you’ve spoken 
         Leave thy horniness unbroken, let me watch my hard core Asian porn!
         For I am so lonely I tell thee, so lonely in my deep heart’s core
         Quoth the gerbil, QUIT JERKING OFF AND FIND SOME GIRLS!

         And the gerbil, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
         On the pallid bust of Pauly Shore just above my bedroom door
         And his eyes have all the seeming of a gerbil that is shitting
         Especially when he is shitting, shitting on my bedroom floor  
         And all the porn that for years on my computer I have stored   
         Shall be jerked off to- nevermore!