It
seems like whenever you legalize one immoral activity
It’s
only a matter of time
Before
a plethora of other perverse proclivities
Soon
demands to be accepted into society.
Take
for instance this whole legalizing gay
marriage
situation,
it
might not seem like such a big deal at first,
but
it's only going to get worse,
and
here's how:
Well,
it starts with legalizing gay marriage
But
the next thing you know is
A
man is seen proposing
To
his son’s pet ferret
Who
was recently in an affair with
A
Lobster with a fetish
For
licking sour cream off of Newt Gingrich
Who
lately could have been seen in
The
city of Malibu with a pastrami sandwich
He
just got married to
by
a priest who likes to taste his own poo-poo
right
after taking part in a polygamous tryst with
Two Verizon Salesmen, a
hamster,
and
a fish
And
that’s only the beginning, my friends
When
gay marriage is no longer viewed
as
a threat to traditional American values
Cause
pretty soon anywhere you look you will find
That
every happily married man
Has
a Senegal Parrot on the side
N’
if you think women have trouble being discreet
About
who they’re having an affair with
No
one’s more vocal or outspoken than Parrots
And
now that all the Parrots the men are having an affair with
Won’t
shut up
All
the traditional marriages start breaking up
But
that’s fine cause at least all the marriages between a
Man
and a duckbilled platypus
Are
on the rise
And
just when you think you finally saw
The
end of the troubles that come with gay marriage
Being
seen as legal in the eyes of the Law
The
next day you read in the paper that Rush Limbaugh
Was
just in a Ménage A Trios
With
the Ayatollah and the son
of
the former Shah
And
when the Arab world finally gets word of
This
breach of moral law
It
makes the Sunnis so gloomy and the
Shiites
so glum
They
end up issuing a Fatwa on everyone!
And
just when you think nothing worse
Can
start happening
The
next day you find yourself attending
The
wedding of your best friend
To
a Vending Machine
Who
he struck up a conversation with
In
a bar in Amherst Michigan
After
running from the Law
For
an assault charge he got
For
fondling a Mayonnaise Jar
in
Central Park in the back of a horse carriage
As
it was getting dark
And
all because we decided to legalize gay marriage!
And
don’t even get me started on Universal Healthcare
Oh,
it might seem innocent first
Medical
bills that no longer empty out your purse
But
the next you thing you know
your
Grandma stubs her toe
And
government officials
Immediately
break in
and
bash her brains in with a fire hose
and
cut off her head and pluck off her nose
and
rip out her spine and slice off her toes
and
wrap her intestines around the portico
And
once they’re fairly confident they've killed her
They
tear open her stomach and
take
out her brain, her kidneys, and her liver
But
only to give them to some poor black kid in Harlem
Who
probably only needs them because of all the crack cocaine
He
smokes every evening
But
now that we all have the same benefits
He
gets to be treated just like the rest of us
And
if you think that’s not bad enough
The
next day as your walking
to
your Granny’s funeral
You
get a call from your aunt
who
says your brother just died while getting
a
kidney transplant
Because
the doctor was so incompetent
As
a result of how poorly paid they are nowadays
Instead
of taking your brother’s kidney out
He
took out his brain
And
replaced it with the liver of one of the nurses
And
then donated his eye balls to a squirrel in China
And
gave his buttocks to a baboon in Botswana
And
his rectum to a raccoon in Rwanda
And
his stomach to a swordfish in Sierra Nevada
And
then said, “Hey, the hospital might not be run
As
efficiently as before,
But
at least the medical bills are a lot more reasonable!”
And
when you finally get to the hospital to make a complaint
About
all the debauchery and absurdity you realize
It’s
too late
Because
the whole country now looks exactly like
Nazi
Germany
And
everyone’s doing the goose step and the
Joseph
Goebbels Double Shuffle
and
the Hermann Hesse Five Step Waltz Fandango
and
the Joseph Mengele Tango
and
killing their grandma whenever they sneeze
and
shooting their grandpa whenever they complain
about
a pain in their knees
and
all because that
Muslim Communist Arab Spy Nazi Half-Robot
Zombie Barack Obama
Thought
Universal Healthcare would take care of us.
But
you know I’ll tell you quite clearly
When
it comes to the big problems
In
this country we face yearly
Gay
Marriage and Universal Health Care
Don’t
even compare with
the
threat of Immigration
that
threatens this Sovereign Nation
Of
Legal Tax-Paying Non-Hispanic Americans
Oh
it might not seem like too big of a deal at first
Letting
a few barefoot Mexicans
In
But
the next thing you know your daughter brings home a Latino
Who
immediately rapes your wife on the patio
After
convincing your 4-year-old son to invest in
40
tons of Methamphetamines
And
then forcing you to eat some weird spicy Mexican thing
That’s
filled to the brim with weird meat and Jalapenos
Which
gives you a slight case
Of
Malaria and Typhoid Fever
And
as your running through the halls looking for
A
bathroom to puke in
You
don’t think you’re going to manage
Cause
now all the signs on the doors are in Spanish
And
so as you just start puking in any old room
Your
wife says she’s pregnant with a Mexican baby
And
she can already feel him stealing things in her womb
But
you can’t hear her words too clear because that Latino just brought
Over
forty of his friends who immediately go into the backyard and have a
barbecue
for the next four years
And
as your running to the police station
To
get them to start an investigation
Into
some of the negative results you have experienced
Lately
From our lax Immigration Legislation
You
run into a Chicano gang on the street who
Gives
you their typical friendly greeting
which
involves being stabbed repeatedly in the chest
after
a severe 5 hour beating
and
when you finally make it to the station
breathing
and puffing and bleeding and exacerbated
you
find the Police Chief and you tell him
what’s
happened
how
your wife has been raped and
as
far as you can tell
your
4-year-old son’s now pretty high up in the ranks
of
the Juarez Drug Cartel
and
how you’ve been stabbed and beaten
and
kicked and abused and whipped and bruised
and
worst of all
forced
to eat strange Mexican food
and
that your tongue still burns whenever you chew
and
your tooshi still hurts whenever you poo
and
after your finally done recounting all this horror
you
just found yourself in
The
Police Chief looks up
and
says with a big grin
“No
Hablo Ingles muy bien!”
and
all because we let a few barefoot Mexicans in.
