Friday, January 18, 2013


       Not worth considering for too long
       but I'll confess
       when it comes to fantasies to help you get through the day
       this one is the best.
       A final decision in a life made up of so many indecisions
       A firm direction in a life so full of second guesses  
       A journey, a decision, a statement
       Going off book, missing your cue,  
       The fast forward button on a movie where the ending has already been ruined for you
       Something hasty, something impetuous,
       something alluring
       Especially on a day
       That isn’t just not exciting
       But on days when excitement itself feels boring 
       A real incentive, a go getter, an Uplifter
       The definition of a game changer
       Growing tired of always changing
       in a game that never does 
       Throwing away your heart after watching it
       get handled
       by someone who can’t love
       The need to do something for once
       That doesn’t get undone
       The embodiment of giving up
       A sigh to end all sighing
       A lie to end all lying
       A middle finger to all those posters about how you should never stop trying
       Something to do on a rainy day
       when the only board game in the house is monopoly and you already played it five times
       Exercise for the lazy
       The last work out
       The last Yoga Class
       The last bout  
       The last place where they still accept cash
       The last waltz,
       the last time you rent the Last Waltz,
       The last midnight, the last dance, the last time you get cum on your pants,
       The last time you miss the buss, the last kiss,
       The last time you do anything else
       The first time you’ll do this
       The last time you’ll do it too
       Something you know you won’t have any problem committing to 
       A resting place for the wandering Jew
       Throwing the chessboard over 
       when you know the other player’s got you beat in five moves 
       Cutting the strings off the guitar where that guy in the Picasso painting is
       forever playing the blues 
       Watching the future get crushed underneath the waves of the past
       Leaving the track before you have to see your horse come in last 
       A change to end all changes
       The last wind that uproots the last grain of wheat,
       The missing puzzle piece in the puzzle you can’t ever seem to complete, 
       A choice in a life where you feel as if you haven’t chosen anything 
       Sometimes a good reason
       Sometimes because you can’t see the forest from the trees where you’re screaming 
       Sleeping the whole day through
       so you won’t have to wake up to another dream that doesn’t come true
       The last thing to forget
       The first thing you won’t regret
       Cutting off your nose to spite your face
       Throwing the baby out with the bath water
       Moving back in with your mother and father   
       Looking at the sun after it becomes too blinding
       Seeking death while death is still seeking the place
       Where he still thinks you’re hiding
       Dumping out the food before it spoils 
       Unshuffling this mortal coil 
       Lifting the world off the back of a turtle 
       Buying a one way ticket to the 7th Circle
       Unwinding the clock, unlocking the wind
       Unraveling the clouds, unknotting the sea
       Losing everything you’ve ever found
       To finally find out what losing really means
       Freeing up your time
       Clearing up your schedule
       Giving away all the things you said 
       you’d give away in your will
       A good exit line at a party that you’ve been dragged to against your will
       And everyone there are people you’ve been forced to talk to 
       So you lock yourself in the bathroom
       And you feel trapped- mentally, spiritually, metaphorically,
       And also cause you just locked yourself in the bathroom
       And you look in the mirror and never have you seen clearer
       The bars of the cage that you’ve never not been looking through
       And life is a dream someone else is dreaming for you
       A roulette wheel that someone else placed money down on
       for you
       A sinking ship you never bought a ticket to
       And there’s never been a place you’ve been that you weren’t dragged to
       There’s never been a book you didn’t read because you had to
       Someone you didn’t love because love forced it out of you
       And just then
       You remember 
       That you can leave this party anytime
       And that, though it wasn’t your decision to attend,
       It can be always be your decision to fast forward to the end
       And if bailing casts a shadow on the party for the other guests,
       Well sometimes it can be quite liberating to not give a shit. 
       To wedge the end into the middle of whatever thing it is 
       you’ve awoken to find yourself in
       And suddenly, you can breathe again 
       And your face looks much brighter in the bathroom mirror
       And that trapped feeling is no longer the expression you’re wearing
       And the heavy luggage you were holding you realize is no longer that heavy
       or maybe it’s that you’re not holding it any longer
       And you smile to yourself
       And go back and join the party. 

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